- People always expect you to grieve in a certain way- I am a closed off person when it comes to my day to day struggles. When I lost my father on October 1st, 2013 people expected me to act a certain way. I did not fulfill those expectations. I instead dealt with my grief at the time my boyfriend, who is now my fiance. I closed myself off from most people. I could not deal with others who had loved my father. A lot of people doubted my feelings for my father due to this.
- It never will get better- I lost my Dad. Nothing in this world can make that OK. No matter how much time passes, I feel this gaping hole inside of me that only my Dad can fill. I miss every part of who he was- the good and the ugly.
- Life must move on- Many people question my decision to get engaged soon after my father's passing. I feel like I am honoring his memory the best I can by living my life. My Dad would approve of this, even if no one else will. I am marrying my best friend. The one person who has seen the real me and still loves me endlessly.
- It really won't get much better- whether it is one year or ten- my Dad is gone. There is no chance of a make up, no chance of making him proud of me. It really is over. No matter how much that realization hurts.
- You will want to become a better person- I think of the life my Father lived, good parts and bad. I want to become more like his good and work more on his bad. By that I mean that any of the bad qualities he had I want to ensure I do not have.
- Weddings now suck- I am so happy and honored to be marrying my best friend. But my father will not be there to witness it. No matter how nice I make my wedding a huge part is now missing.
- You will get angry!- Remember all the wrongs the now deceased person committed against you? Now you do..... and you try to mesh that with the happier memories. Sadly though you honestly remember the person as they were, not through rose-tinted glasses everyone else seems to have on.
- You will feel as though your family hates you-Due to the fact that you handle grief differently than most people you will feel sub-par. You will think/feel as though the entire family hates you due to you lack of outward grief. I miss my father, it damn nears kills me how bad my grief is. But due to the fact that I keep such emotions in check, to family it seems like I don't care.
- Your family will piss you off- No matter how close you are, nor the relation to the deceased, everyone will bother you. No matter what they do or don't do, you will feel as though it is wrong.
- At the end of the day you will forever wish and hope this is just an awful nightmare- No matter what happens, you find yourself hoping and wishing that the passing of such an important family member never happened. No matter how much time passes you will go to sleep hoping that this is just a terrible nightmare.
- There is a life after suffering such a painful loss- I have kids, a fiance, and house hunting to do. I have a full and busy life. My sadness and grief doesn't always work out due to my kids needing me..
A Half Crazed Blog
The only time we truly fail as parents is when we stop learning and adapting